some good advice

Go placidly amid the noise & haste, & remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull & ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater & lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

-Desiderata

preaching

(St.Peter's Basilica in Rome)

homilies can really be eye-opening. but only if the priest is able to reach those who are attending the mass.

for reals, i think if priests were a little more passionate when they spoke (or maybe just a little more casual) and were straight forward with their message then maybe they would attract more people to church and at mass there wouldn't just be old people who've been Catholic all their life- there would also be young people who are passionate about their faith, and maybe the old ones would be even more passionate about it.

but one thing i've learned is that you don't have to go to church to be a good Catholic, or to be a good, spiritual person. yeah i know it's in the laws of our religion, and our parents would really like it if we went to mass every Sunday, but like so many of my wise friends have said, i've met good people who don't go to church and who aren't even Catholic... so why is going to church necessary?

i think people need to form their own reasons for going to church... and i think if people really listened to the prayers, the homilies, and the words in the music then maybe they'd realize how beautiful the Catholic faith is. 'cause dang, i've felt some powerful emotions at mass and it took a while for it to happen... but i think everyone could find something to get out of mass if they really wanted to.

reminiscing

i like cleaning out my old stuff at home 'cause it reminds me of the good ol' days..

-when i thought body glitter was cool
-everyone was taking group pictures at imagix, cerritos towne center, wherevs
-twisties, corn rows, and squares were the cool hair styles
-everyone wore bandannas in their hair too..
-i put fake tattoos on my arm
-you met people through altar serving or family parties
-i watched MTV music videos of Aaliyah

but then i think, "wow, i was really influenced by what others were telling me was cool" and realize that i could have made different choices but didn't for whatever reason. which is why i try to question my choices, my reasoning, and my emotions now, and wish i did it more often.

so many forces in the world are trying to tell us what is right and what is wrong, and for myself i try to go with what i feel is right (like feel deep in my bones if it is right).

blank paper

i'm home. i've been in lakewood for about a week and some days, and i can't shake this feeling of being a blank paper, or Snoopy! maybe. my days here have been a little solitary and dull, with the occasional Woodstock popping in and keeping me company. but still, it feels like i've been thrown into a place where i talk but no one really knows what i'm saying. they listen, but i just don't feel better after we've talked. and my brain is begging for someone to get me. or maybe it's something else that's begging.

i really don't think i'm being OA.

it's just that when i'm home i get to feeling all these weird things about my life, my past, and how much this place doesn't feel a part of me. my life is pretty set- going back to Berkeley in July to take an EMT course and continuing to work to be a PA (hopefully) some day. as for my past- high school haunts me. not like i had a bad experience or anything... i think it's 'cause i've had so many good experiences that i can't help but think about them. and this house has been the house of my high school life, not my college life. for the most part i think about feelings... 'cause i think i'm a feely kind of person. right now i don't feel happy.

but i'm trying to do things i like! 'cause that's supposed to make you happy. and then i find it hard to think of things to do that i like! because i think i've liked what other people like. ay nako. my brain is whelmed.

but here's a list of things i'm pretty sure i like because i like them, not because other people influenced me to like them:
-reading. i need a good book to read and am looking for recommendations!
-flowers. if i own a business one day this is on the list of one i'd try. maybe.
-playing with kids. this is another one to put on the list of businesses i'd start (#1: Daycare).
-picnics. yeah, they're nice.
-scrapbooking. too bad supplies are expensive.
-ice cream. i'm trying to cut back.
-sweets in general. mmm... too bad my metabolism is slower.
-good conversations. hard to come by sometimes.
-piano. wish i played.
-playing sports. even though i'm kinda bad at them. i need to get in shape.
-observing sea animals. they're fascinating. and i plan to go to Monterey Bay one day 'cause i heard their aquarium is gorgeous. wish going to Long Beach aquarium was free.

yeah, things cost money. that's another thing- sometimes i feel trapped 'cause i don't want to spend money. but i gotta think like an engineer. the book my sister's reading said, engineers "do the best with limited resources" and they're happy with that. ok, i can work on that.

but i think no matter what i do this place will feel small and confining. and i think i would be really unhappy if i moved back. i love my parents and really love my family... i miss them while i'm up north, i just like being up north better than here. wish there was a place where i felt completely happy. it would have a flower like this maybe (good photo, Jojo):


that was the most personal blog i've written. and i don't even know why people write personal blogs 'cause you never know who reads them. oh well. helps me gather my thoughts!