the meaning of a system

i dropped off my certification materials to the county today.. and they said it would take another 2 weeks for me to get my EMT card! c'mon people! i know there needs to be a system.. but serrriously?!

first i needed to take my class (=about 160 hours of lecture and skills traning), then i had to do an externship, which required me following around an ER Tech like a puppy and sitting in the back of an ambulance van listening to men talk about the women they're dating.. for 10 hours each. great. waited for my instructor to clear me for the test.. took the test.. PASSED!.. had to get fingerprinted.. had to get a cashier's check.. had to drive to San Leandro to turn the ish in... and this was all starting in July! i know i can be inefficient at times, but i tried my best to be on top of the deadlines.. and now i gotta wait for my card before i can apply to jobs and i have to take another DMV test so i can drive that ambulance around. grrrreat. hopefully it will all be finished so i can have a job by the time i get back to Oakland in January and pay for all this stuff the stupid system is making me pay for. if you know of places that are hiring, pleeease tell me.. =)

[going on my Thankful blog]

my mind won't let me sit at a work desk any longer.

advent conspiracy

that was the name of this video

2 things

1) I believe in karma
2) I've become more paranoid

KARMA is real..
besides the smelly, germy guy sitting next to me on the bus after I said in my head "WHY DID THAT GUY PUT HIS BACKPACK ON THE TRASH CAN!" my days of not studying finally kicking me in the butt and running me over reaffirm this belief. now I find myself having to study all the time.. and in a position I never though I would be in. at this age I thought I would be going to med school or doing something BIG! instead I'm RE-TAKING statistics (all because of a stupid -).. and almost failing Microbio while going over EMT lessons so I can finally take my test (I PROMISE it will be within the week). I still wonder where my brain went after high school...

I'm PARANOID of germs (most of the time.. can't you just imagine them being life-size!), the dark ('cause you can't see! and you hear weird things), and whatever they show on NCIS: bad guys looking totally innocent, secrets of the government, and technology. on an episode they showed the team hacking into a webcam that wasn't being used.. and from then on I've realized you never know who's watching.. so I close my computer. but I think they have more important people to watch than civilians...

better than music.

what's better? listening to conversations on bus rides home..

[shortened version.. i wish i could include those brackets like in church readings for an extended version but this is the gist of it]

guy: i figured it was better not to do anything 'cause what could i tell the judge in the morning? i go to school, work, and last night got in a fight with this guy who stole my weed? even though he was crazy, i couldn't do anything..

girl: well, times are tough. i was sitting on the back of the bus getting threats from this guy, and all i could think of was, i deal with ppl like you at work.. you know, since i'm a social worker. i told the bus driver, "hey, just think you should know that i'm being threatened back there." and you know what he said? "what do you want me to do about it?" i told him, "thought you would want to know about it, 'cause you know, it's your bus." it's a rough time for everyone.

guy: yeah, and you know, the funny thing is people don't realize it's our society that perpetuates it. we're told to think that we need nice clothes so we can look good, all those fancy things, whatever... getting jobs 'cause they pay lots of money.

girl: exactly. but what i think it really is, is that there isn't enough money for people to get an education. and i think that's important. before i came to Cal i was like that too, going through life not knowing that these decisions were being made for me. then i took classes

guy: like psychology, english? all those thick books filled with knowledge..

girl: yeah, and sociology too.. those are all good. so you can't blame them, 'cause it's really not their fault they don't know any better. and that's why i want to do the work i do.. i feel like it will help people realize things they didn't even think of before.

guy: what's that type of person called? when you're influenced by your environment?

girl: i know what you're talking about.. yeah, most people are like that. until you realize that there's other knowledge out there you're stuck in the world you're in.

guy: when's it gonna change?

girl: when there's a revolution. and it's gonna be soon. well, it's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. and we got to realize that we shouldn't be going against ourselves, we should be rising up together. but i mean, it's starting.. the revolution is.. just like how the french people overthrew their government. it's gonna happen if people don't see things are changing. 'cause we need something to change.
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AND THAT REMINDED ME WHY I'M HERE- to hear coversations like that ('cause i definitely did not make that up) and to keep questioning what my purpose in life is... i really do think we all have a purpose. it just takes some a longer time to figure out what it is.

MINI!

there's a field trial for the NEW 100% electric MINIcooper! to be eligible for the 1 yr lease you have to live in southern california or NY/NJ area.. someone do it so i can ride in it! ^_^

if you're going to the new California Academy of Sciences, don't look! highlights..

glad the Philippines is the richest of something..
i'm sure so many others thought this too.
(like Josh.. pointing..)

this wall was larger than life.
i liked the jellyfish-ish thing..

thumbs up for colonization.

probably one of the coolest things. i recommend going here first 'cause then you go down to the aquarium after..

i love SF.
more pictures on facebook..

blankies!

make awesome tents! i slept here two nights.. ^_^ this is one of my favorite things to do.. i don't know if i could handle sleeping in real tents. in the woods. with bugs.

Grandpa John

McCain walks like a penguin. I know that doesn't have anything to do with his qualifications.. There are just so many things about McCain (grandpa-ness, voice of death) that make me not want to listen.

My dad is voting for McCain, even though he said he liked Obama before.. 'Cause Obama is saying things he would do as President, but, like McCain said, had voted differently before. Josh sent me the link to factcheck.org.. And I wish everyone could read this stuff:

"Once again, McCain said that Obama raised taxes 94 times. This came up in the vice presidential debate, and it is a bogus charge.

Fact check.org, a non-partisan watchdog, has analyzed the charge.

Of the 94, 23 of those votes were indeed votes against proposed tax cuts. Eleven of them were increases on families earning over $1 million to help fund programs such as Head Start and school nutrition. And 53 were on non-binding budget resolutions that foresaw allowing tax cuts to expire as scheduled. Such out-year projections are meaningless, since non-binding budgets are passed each year.
Fact.check.org ruled the claim misleading.
--Glenn Kessler"

anyone can cook!

I sat watching Ratatouille today.. and while the music, characters, and food made me happy for a number of reasons I couldn't help think of what else I could have been doing during that time. what could I have done for that hour and a half that could make me a better person or make the world a better place..

could have read my Microbio book so that maybe someday I could get into a PA school, or do Stats homework so I get an A on the next open book test. could have planned out my future so I don't waste anymore of my parents' money... or studied for my EMT test that i'll take who knows when (c'mon, Fast Resonse!) so that I can pass it and get a job. I just wanna work already! but it's a good thing that there are so many things you need to do before you get into health professions, 'cause you deal with people's lives. I guess I just wish I was smarter.. ha!

words of wisdom

I like listening to songs and buying CDs by womyn 'cause you gotta support them... They're able to do what they love and be successful. Men do to... They've just been successful longer... Hah! But I still buy their CDs too..

Freakin' Amel... I liked the part where she said you should do what you love. 'Cause that'll make you happy. And as I sit here gluing little numbers to papers for some template, I really think I gotta start looking for things that will help me get a better place.

Estelle, Track 05 on her cd- I think I can relate 'cause of things that have happened in the past with silly boys.. "Love isn't just about touching and holding hands. It's a spiritual thing..." Yeah that spiritual part- that's why you're with them... 'Cause you share something you don't have with anyone else. All her other songs have some words of wisdom. So far my favorites are 5, 11, and 7. Maybe all of them are my favorites..

My favorite number is 7. The next 8ish posts will hopefully be good since this one is #71 on this blog, and I can't help but think something is special when it starts with a 7, or is song #7 on a cd, or adds up to 7 (like my first and last name! maybe that's why I like #7)...

Here it goes...

"No one knows the color of a soul."
-Brother Frexpar, Wicked

I just think this is a good line...

music

that music that just touches your soul..
makes the day at work not seem like work.

found mine:
Goapele radio station on Pandora
Michael Bublé
Wicked sountrack (heck yes)
that freakin' Sarah Bareilles song

special bonds..

IKEA (loopy) shopping
watching RENT..
fresh lumpia
Trevi Fountain and wine

covalent bonds
Barry Bonds
corn pizza

CORE
random word game

more pizza & the DNC
a little brownie on paper
the Wire
first football game of the year


like an upside down cake...
parts of the heart

elderly

the old lady next to me in church smelled like lucky charms marshmallows.

and when you get older you don't just smell a little different, your body, every part of it, breaks down little by little. it's really scary when you think about it.. and i've had to think about it a lot because of the entire chapter that is devoted to it in our EMT book.

i hope that when my parents get old i can take care of them in my own house.. 'cause what's said about some convalescent homes is really scary- not changing sheets, not being cleaned well, abuse. and it's all very real. while i wish it didn't happen, i've been told that compassion can't be taught, it's just in some people. wish more people had it.

first day of EMT class

we learned CPR and also how to relieve choking. i just hope i don't forget it if the time comes..
important tips!
-first designate someone to call 911. be specific.
-chest compressions are more important than breaths
-pushing 1/3-1/2 the width of the person is necessary for good CPR
-minimize interruptions for a higher success rate

in our second class today we learned how to take vital signs: blood pressure, respirations, and pulse. there was also some talk about how EMTs have a lot to remember so that they don't get sued. yay.

i'd put a picture on here of some cool things EMTs see, but it would be kinda gross.

body mechanics, like posture, proper lifting and fitness, are some other things we're learning about.. and it says poor posture can make your back muscles fatigue fast and could increase chances of back injury. smart people.

also, some people in my class have misconceptions about women. makes me want to prove them all wrong and get higher scores than them on tests. or do the stone cold stunner on them. hah.

everyone needs to open their eyes a little more maybe..

horoscopes

sometimes it's trippy how these can be very similar to what happens in your day..

"This is a great time to be with others, in any sort of group situation. Whether you are working or not, the day should go along very well. You have a sense of true understanding and real sacrifice to devote toward worthwhile projects. Dedicated to long-range goals, you are future-oriented. Intuitive, you have an inner drive for all that's psychological, religious and mystical. You may find yourself, not necessarily an advisor, but a gatherer of people's experiences. You will be listening, as usual, to all sorts of information regarding relationships, progress and positive outcomes. Since you are artistic, you might consider the study of different artists. Be careful of quick responses this afternoon--you may misconstrue someone's meaning."

ps. i just look at them for fun.. =)

dating

wikiHOW has great stuff, like How To Date Successfully as a Teenage Girl and steps for successful teenage boy dating as well..

thought it was funny when i glanced over them..

don't think casual dating was ever my thing in high school, but it's funny how natural some of those "steps" the articles gave seem to come when the person you're dating is genuinely sweet and cares about you. doesn't matter what you wear.

some good advice

Go placidly amid the noise & haste, & remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull & ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater & lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

-Desiderata

preaching

(St.Peter's Basilica in Rome)

homilies can really be eye-opening. but only if the priest is able to reach those who are attending the mass.

for reals, i think if priests were a little more passionate when they spoke (or maybe just a little more casual) and were straight forward with their message then maybe they would attract more people to church and at mass there wouldn't just be old people who've been Catholic all their life- there would also be young people who are passionate about their faith, and maybe the old ones would be even more passionate about it.

but one thing i've learned is that you don't have to go to church to be a good Catholic, or to be a good, spiritual person. yeah i know it's in the laws of our religion, and our parents would really like it if we went to mass every Sunday, but like so many of my wise friends have said, i've met good people who don't go to church and who aren't even Catholic... so why is going to church necessary?

i think people need to form their own reasons for going to church... and i think if people really listened to the prayers, the homilies, and the words in the music then maybe they'd realize how beautiful the Catholic faith is. 'cause dang, i've felt some powerful emotions at mass and it took a while for it to happen... but i think everyone could find something to get out of mass if they really wanted to.

reminiscing

i like cleaning out my old stuff at home 'cause it reminds me of the good ol' days..

-when i thought body glitter was cool
-everyone was taking group pictures at imagix, cerritos towne center, wherevs
-twisties, corn rows, and squares were the cool hair styles
-everyone wore bandannas in their hair too..
-i put fake tattoos on my arm
-you met people through altar serving or family parties
-i watched MTV music videos of Aaliyah

but then i think, "wow, i was really influenced by what others were telling me was cool" and realize that i could have made different choices but didn't for whatever reason. which is why i try to question my choices, my reasoning, and my emotions now, and wish i did it more often.

so many forces in the world are trying to tell us what is right and what is wrong, and for myself i try to go with what i feel is right (like feel deep in my bones if it is right).

blank paper

i'm home. i've been in lakewood for about a week and some days, and i can't shake this feeling of being a blank paper, or Snoopy! maybe. my days here have been a little solitary and dull, with the occasional Woodstock popping in and keeping me company. but still, it feels like i've been thrown into a place where i talk but no one really knows what i'm saying. they listen, but i just don't feel better after we've talked. and my brain is begging for someone to get me. or maybe it's something else that's begging.

i really don't think i'm being OA.

it's just that when i'm home i get to feeling all these weird things about my life, my past, and how much this place doesn't feel a part of me. my life is pretty set- going back to Berkeley in July to take an EMT course and continuing to work to be a PA (hopefully) some day. as for my past- high school haunts me. not like i had a bad experience or anything... i think it's 'cause i've had so many good experiences that i can't help but think about them. and this house has been the house of my high school life, not my college life. for the most part i think about feelings... 'cause i think i'm a feely kind of person. right now i don't feel happy.

but i'm trying to do things i like! 'cause that's supposed to make you happy. and then i find it hard to think of things to do that i like! because i think i've liked what other people like. ay nako. my brain is whelmed.

but here's a list of things i'm pretty sure i like because i like them, not because other people influenced me to like them:
-reading. i need a good book to read and am looking for recommendations!
-flowers. if i own a business one day this is on the list of one i'd try. maybe.
-playing with kids. this is another one to put on the list of businesses i'd start (#1: Daycare).
-picnics. yeah, they're nice.
-scrapbooking. too bad supplies are expensive.
-ice cream. i'm trying to cut back.
-sweets in general. mmm... too bad my metabolism is slower.
-good conversations. hard to come by sometimes.
-piano. wish i played.
-playing sports. even though i'm kinda bad at them. i need to get in shape.
-observing sea animals. they're fascinating. and i plan to go to Monterey Bay one day 'cause i heard their aquarium is gorgeous. wish going to Long Beach aquarium was free.

yeah, things cost money. that's another thing- sometimes i feel trapped 'cause i don't want to spend money. but i gotta think like an engineer. the book my sister's reading said, engineers "do the best with limited resources" and they're happy with that. ok, i can work on that.

but i think no matter what i do this place will feel small and confining. and i think i would be really unhappy if i moved back. i love my parents and really love my family... i miss them while i'm up north, i just like being up north better than here. wish there was a place where i felt completely happy. it would have a flower like this maybe (good photo, Jojo):


that was the most personal blog i've written. and i don't even know why people write personal blogs 'cause you never know who reads them. oh well. helps me gather my thoughts!

blogs

i have this other blog i like reading called Zen Habits... it goes under my "better life" category on my reader. this article is really cool.. and i think it can be applied to things like studying too.

Tagalog

sitting in class i'm learning about linkers (like na and ng), but one thing i learned from greendaily: "Normal hand dryers draw air from the bathroom floor, heat it, and blow it onto the user's hands. In the process, they waste electricity, dry out the user's skin, and deposit bacteria onto the user." that's gross. i think i'd rather air dry my hands myself.

i really wish i could learn more in 1b.. but sometimes i really can't learn in here- i need to practice. so that's one of my resolutions. another resolution- stop complaining. i think i do it a lot.

equation

happiness = life - expectations

really? when i think about it, yeah, that makes sense. if i didn't have expectations i know i'd be happier. but we have expectations for a reason... our life experiences have led us to expect things, our values, our goals in life.. and i think all of that is a part of who we are, if not all that we are.

sigh.

i love Green Daily

it's this cool blog with stuff like info on the bio-diesel fueled boat that's going for some world record and facts about the new recession diet. cool ideas like ways to reuse chopsticks and tips to save gas are also on here. apparently our economy's bad, our environment is bad, and our values are bad.

sometimes i really wonder what it's like to live in another country..

time to blog

because last week is over i now have time to blog... and do other things- like read my google reader, take naps, go out around berkeley, watch Grey's Anatomy, etc.

but really, i wonder sometimes- what is there to blog about in my life? it's really mellow yellow. PCN took over it for the last semester, and even before then... serrrously, every free moment i had i was doing something PCN related. and anyone who reads this blog probably would know what i'm talking about. SO to make this blog about PCN short and sweet- i love PCN because it has made me a better person. and i will miss being producer 'cause i loved organizing people in our community (and doing little things like making the individual practice schedule, writing emails, talking to Zellerbach or meeting with coordinators about events).

i've heard good and bad things about this year's show and it has been hard to overlook the bad (i really feel it in my bones when i think about the bad). In case people wanna look at some other pictures, our photographer, Erick Lim, took some awesome ones- click here.

my next blog will probably be about my future or some other grown up thing... 'cause i'm 22 and i guess you gotta think about life or something at that age.

reasons i believe

i've been thinking about this a lot... so here they are:

- there are things in this world that are beyond my control and it comforts me to know that those things are in the hands of a God who loves me unconditionally
- the goodness within people has to come from somewhere
- i was taught good values and good morals by my parents and more recently through the lessons taught at mass. it just took me a while to listen... to really listen to what's being said.
- people with good hearts have the characteristics that we learn about at mass
- there are things i hear at mass that i don't always agree with, but feel that i need to hear in order to understand my own beliefs
- He did give us free will, which i think is why sometimes bad things happen to good people. but on some levels we do have the power to change things, and i think spreading good vibes is a good place to start.

berkeley bowl

great place. i always feel like i should be healthier once i enter this produce spot. bought tons of veggies, ingredients for split pea soup, and some bomb hashbrowns (that's not healthy, but they're like the kind you buy from jack-in-the-box so i always enjoy them). breakfast is my favorite. after ice cream. everything was $27! that's pretty awesome.

yay berkeley.

and yay for intelligent people (most of who live in berkeley). DC, you're really smart. putting that liquid balance thingy on your camera so you know when it's level- genius.

this picture isn't of the stuff i made from berkeley bowl... this is a corn fritter with some canneloni leftover... das some good food. made by the best chef ever- he lives in Pacifica.

berkeley's a great city

and anyone who doesn't believe that statement has probably never lived here. i admit it, at first i was scared of it- crazy people shouting things, people sleeping in the middle of campus... but then i realized that that's the beauty of it. people here recognize oppression, realize deceit, realize that hey, they can do whatever the hell they want and no one should tell them what's right and wrong. we don't even know these people who are making these laws...

now if the people of berkeley want the marines out, there's probably a damn good reason. how about the billions of dollars that have been spent on the war already (could have been spent on providing public education to the entire country, providing free healthcare, etc) that may eventually lead to a trillion dollars in costs in the future, how about a cause

so when people write stuff like this, i get frustrated at their ignorance: "Now check this out: here is a letter a businessman wrote to the Mayor of Berkeley [who says she's going to pull her money out of the city]. Is this a great country or what? This is the kind of response it takes from Americans to stand up against the tide of apathy and self serving idiots."

it's not apathy, it's recognition. i understand i may not know a lot about the war and the situation or whatever, but how much has changed since we started this thing (besides our increasing debt and lives lost)? yeah, they found saddam hussein and are implementing some form of democracy, but what was our goal in the first place? ending the war on terror... make it more specific and stop giving such general answers to everything! when do we say enough is enough?

it's true

you'll be healthier if you 

eat about 1/2 of what you order

chew more

eat slower

eat more fruit

don't eat late at night

and reverse meals- big ones in the morning and small ones at night.

seriouseats.com said so...