microscopes

looking through a microscope at cells gives me a weird vibe... actually, that's not too weird, 'cause i don't really know what i'm looking at... the pictures are worse... (i'd put one here but then i'd never look at my blog...) with the magnification of all the cilia and tons of squamous cells with nuclei that look like eyeballs... ick!

and i hate when people don't signal when they turn... it doesn't relate to microscopes, but it's still really annoying. i could've turned if they had just signaled! but now i have to wait for like 5 minutes for all the other cars to pass.. sheesh...
time is valuable, people!

"i got the blues...

kraft macaroni and cheese... the blue box blues..."

had that for lunch. but i figured it tied to how i really am feeling right now. i mean, it could be the weather today, but there are so many times when the best way to describe how i'm feeling is *blah..* and today is definitely one of those days. too bad i have a midterm and i can't just sit and watch tv or read some fun book.. noooo... i'm memorizing the muscles of the anterior and lateral parts of the neck. whoopie.

too many choices!

like what to eat, what to wear, where to shop, what to buy, where to live, what to do with your life, what to do with your day. granted there are some limitations to what we can afford... but still, there are so many choices in the world, in life. in class on friday we were studying choice, taste, and preference in my seminar (which i have grown quite fond of..), and were were looking at a journal written by of those brilliant sociologists. it was a piece called why more is less. his argument was that as Americans, even though we have many choices, we still feel unsatisfied with life. SOOOO TRUE!

my parents always told me that i'm never satisfied, and i think i believe that more now then ever. i am totally grateful for everything i have, really i am... but i keep feeling like there's something that's missing. sounds kinda spoiled, but i'm not just talking about material things. i'm talking more about what i wanna do with my life. i really just thought about going into the medical field when i first came to Berkeley... but once i started going to other classes, i realized that heck, there's more out there. so now i'm majoring in sociology. and i'm still taking pre-med courses.. all for what? i still don't know.

all i know is that what i'm learning in soc makes me feel like i should be doing something more. not like, join the peace corp or that kind of stuff... but something different.. something revolutionary. i wish i was more creative so i could just figure it out already...

and maybe then i could save some time.. going through these courses is really changing my life.. and i'm not so sure it's in a good way...

random

someone stopped me on campus today and asked me a couple questions about Cal... one being what i think about the school spirit on the Berkeley campus. the first thing that came to my mind was football. so that's what i said... something about our spirit ranging from supporting different issues like the football team to fighting for social issues.. haha! it was more about the football team. i think that's pretty much the only thing that unites our campus. seeing as how there's a ridiculous amount of people being pumped through our institution, its probably impossible to unite under/for a common thing... except sports. 'cause we're good at it. so far..

i guess if i wanted a small community type of feeling i could've gone to a private school... Cal is definitely the opposite.

and i'm currently thinking of a new type of society... something like communism... but not..

jump for joy!

today i heard that you can see a person's personality in the way they jump. haha.. that's cool.

we are not free.

i think i understand anarchists more now. according to Marx, religion is a form of alienation (we ourselves create this idea of a higher being, therefore putting our freedom, our fate, into God's hands). so if we believe in God, we are not completely free. yes, we have free will, our choices are ours... but we really choose to do what we do based on what we've learned is right. and God will determine what will happen to our souls after death.

i'm a little uneasy about feeling that i am not really free. i still have faith in what i've learned, but i think i'm going to question things a lot more now. i want to understand. i want to feel like the thoughts i have are coming from my own thought processes, not from the world around me.

i think that's why i need to think more about the decisions i make and what influences them. "if you don't recognize institutions that influence you, you cannot really be free." damn institutions. you have made me complacent. you have taught me to follow rules. you have set standards that not everyone can meet. you have made me feel like i need to get a good job right after college so that i can be "successful." and despite all these things, you persist. and that's because you are a way of life.

can you be challenged? can you be changed?